“Boys will be boys”
is bullshit.
You have power in the circles you sit in. Your group chat. Your team. Your fraternity. Your office. Your friends from high school who still think the same joke is funny.
When someone talks about women as prizes, bodies or opportunities, say something.
You do not need a perfect response. You do need to make it clear that degrading women is not how you bond.
And when someone crosses a line, act.
If a friend is pressuring someone, interrupt.
If someone seems unsafe, check on them and get help.
Being your friend does not make someone entitled to your silence.
“Locker room talk” is not harmless when it teaches people to treat humiliation, coercion and entitlement as bonding.
We need a culture shift. And men, you are responsible for what you allow in your own circles. Have the conversation. Challenge each other. Follow through when it gets uncomfortable.
how to stand up
If someone says something you think is wrong
Say something. “That’s not funny.” “Why would you say that?” “Don’t talk about her like that.”
You don’t need to give a speech. But if your friend makes a joke about assault, shares a photo he shouldn’t have, or talks about a woman like she’s there for him to use, don’t laugh along because calling him out feels uncomfortable.
He’s more likely to listen to you than to the woman he’s talking about. Use that.
If you think someone may be in danger
Interrupt. “Hey, come with us for a minute.” Give the person a chance to leave.
Check in with them. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stay?”
Get help. Bring in a friend, event staff, a resident adviser, or emergency services. You don’t have to handle it alone.
Take the group chat seriously. If a message makes you think someone is being assaulted, don’t assume another person will deal with it. Get help right then. Save the message; don’t spread it around.
Follow up afterward. Ask what the person needs. Listen, and let them decide what they want to do next.